December

Hey friend!

Here are 5 lists for you. Honestly, I kinda miss seeing the full list in one issue. It feels complete.

List of 5 Ideas:

1. A ‘done’ list and a ‘won’t do’ list

2. Here’s how I finally got myself to start exercising — not just the 1-minute rule which you might have heard variations of (2 min, 5 mins rule), but also the part about being okay with being bad at it, something I hadn’t realised before. I think it’s something I need to embrace more as well.

3. Why quitting on time is key to winning at work

4. Struggling to trust the process? Draw or paint. Follow a tutorial, or watch someone else draw/paint. When I went for an art jamming session for the first time back in July, I disliked what I created while I was painting, and it was not until I was done creating that I saw what needed to be done (as ugly as it was) to get to where I want to be. It’s still not great, but it’s decent enough to be hung on my bedroom wall. It’s very therapeutic too.

5. The more you rely on ego, the less confident you are. (Source)

5 recent Quotes

1. Cultivate 12 people who love you, because they are worth more than 12 million people who like you. (Source)

2. The way to think about it is: if you wouldn’t buy it today, you shouldn’t hold it today. (Source)

3. Ego will have you crying about a closed door that had nothing behind it. (Source)

4. Growth mindset: I’m curious. I’m not immediately defensive when hearing new information. I understand two things can be true at once. I think for myself, not for my ego. (Source)

5. if someone comes to us in all of their vulnerability, and respectfully tells us that our actions have caused hurt - if our first instinct is to be defensive and deflective instead of being open and wanting to understand. this reveals there is still ample inner work to do. (Source)

5 readings I find thought-provoking

1. ‘One of the most common mistakes I see patients make after an injury is to vastly underestimate (or overestimate) the severity of their injuries.’ (Source) — I might have done this last year when I suffered from a foot injury and thought it was no big deal until the doctor told me I missed the golden period. There was no formal diagnosis, but it was either rest, physio and recover, or surgery for a torn ligament. I’m glad it was the former and not the latter, but it could’ve been worse.

2. 5 ways to tell if someone is a real expert (or just really good at BS). In the world of online marketing and content creation, it’s wise to learn to tell apart a good marketer and someone who is truly good at their craft and selling their knowledge. Sometimes credentials…may not be the most telling. People can graduate without learning.

3. Apple used to sell wonder. Now it sells fear. Interesting read, but hmm marketing technique (kinda genius, though in a not-so-good way, I gotta say). I’ve never realised it before but I do think it’s true after reading it.

4. Robert Friedman owns Thomas Edison's piano. What do the bite marks mean?

5. How to master the art of quitting (and why you should) because I love the parts about the sunken cost fallacy.

5 things to think about this month/writing/journaling prompts:

1. Self-Sabotage: It recently hit me that I’ve had 3 instances of self-sabotage that could’ve possibly changed where I am today.

   Passing up continuing to learn violin right after I knew I had a chance to make it into the school’s conductor’s class, essentially a chance to get into the school orchestra to focus on my piano exams.

   Quitting my volunteer commitment with the vet clinic right before I knew I had a chance to promote to a part-time vet tech to audition for my current college, and leaving an organisation I volunteered for right before my chance to head my own project to move on from event management — which I felt wasn’t worth continuing, but I joined the organisation hoping for a leadership opportunity and to head my own project. I left and still decided not to stay despite knowing that I was placed as one of the 2 people in charge of the then-new project.

   I recently realised that these may be self-sabotage in disguise, even though I felt I had valid reasons (and was brave) for walking away since it felt right to move on, but I kind of regret the first two sometimes since it was what I also really wanted, and now would’ve wanted. It’s self-sabotage because I had quit right before expecting ‘success’, instead of quitting before knowing, or after that chance.

   What are some instances you’ve sabotaged yourself, and why did you do that? Do you regret, or think it’s worth it? Is it even worth thinking about it this past?

   I do think reflecting would help change the course of our future if we analysed our patterns to reduce the chance of repeating the same history again. But if I wouldn’t want it now, was it the right decision anyway? I do like to think of it as I was giving up that experience I wanted, instead of wanting it to try and change the course of anything.

   More on self-sabotage and why we do it.

2. I think paying attention to energy levels when you’re with the people around you is very telling and I’ve recently been paying more attention to that lately. My body just knows it better than my mind consciously did before I realised how I felt about anyone I knew. I think it’s good to pay attention to not just people, but activities as well. What/who drains or energises you?

3. Don’t do things you don’t mean to out of guilt. It comes back to bite you later and you’ll suffer another round.

   I’ve unintentionally led 2 different ex-friends on by letting one of them back into my life and telling the other I’m open to the idea of reconnecting in the future after I decided to stop being friends. Both times purely out of guilt, just to later realise and admit that it’s not what’s best for either of us. It’s kind of like procrastinating — you’ll have to come back and clean up the mess later anyway.

4. The truth is your parent might never understand you, may never understand how childhood impacted you, or may never approve of you in the way you’re seeking. The gift of adulthood is: no longer looking for people to give what they’re not capable of giving. (Source)

5. This tweet is for creatives and artists.

5 Random Tidbits:

1. I still think it’s sad how we’re taught to write resumes that please the AI/HRs more and more often and how heavily emphasised it is. Use this list of keywords, match keywords from job descriptions, submit a cover letter even if you don’t need to, love/be loyal to the company, and don’t just list achievements and where you worked/studied and how you can contribute to the company.

   I understand the reasoning behind these pieces of advice. I’m just not sure how well all of these techniques (and more) help to weed out good candidates more than people who write good resumes. Good resume writers/good interviewees may not equal great employees or people good at their job (unless it’s writing resumes or interviewing). Unless career coaches.

2. I realised the reason why I can’t focus well when I read is because of the constant over-simulation and dopamine hit from elsewhere. Whether social media, videos or pointless articles about nothing important. Reading is peaceful, sometimes even boring for the too-active mind who can’t calm down. Unless it’s the spark of an idea or something urgent that distracts me, I’m working on being more present and mindful as I read instead of just going through the words (like stopping to write this point).

3. I realised the activities I enjoy doing makes me feel that way because when I do, I focus entirely on that and nothing else distracts me. I realised this is why mindfulness activities and meditation work. Being present does make people happier overall. The opposite applies as well.

4. Sometimes, I feel so drained I let myself consume empty calories for my mind. Watching yet another pointless video, rewatching that show, doom-scrolling, procrastinating. Because learning, creating, reading, and practising require active thinking, it’s easier to be lazy and do nothing productive and ‘rest’ the mind. When in fact, empty calories for our minds does more harm than good the way food does to our physical bodies, and can affect our moods and mental health. I still consciously do this sometimes, but I’ll work on it. Also, I think it also sort of related to this tweet about consciously scheduling breaks.

5. I want a great resume with cool experiences and varied roles. Problem is, I’ve been through 2, and hate the lifestyle that comes with these roles. A life revolving around work projects and deadlines is not what I want, yet is something I kept getting myself into to beef up my resume (twice). Yes, I wanna learn things but I might be up the wrong alley.

   Constant self-betrayal isn’t it. If the type of job I want eliminates this lifestyle, why do I keep forcing myself into such positions, even wanting to enter prestigious companies more than wanting the role? For my resume? Or just underlying egoistic, vanity reasons?

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To celebrate our upcoming 1st year anniversary on January 3rd 2023, I’d like to ask for you to submit 1 article that you’d like to see featured on this list. It could be one that you read or even one that you wrote! Consider adding a simple reason you chose it (approx. 1-2 sentences), the way you read them from one of these lists that you receive from me.

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